My Philosphy on Being Single

proclamation on being single/ Reasons I don't want your man!An Open letter



To whom it may concern;


Yesterday was Valentine’s Day: a holiday generally noted for the excessive coupling that occurs in restaurants nation, nay, continent wide: A holiday which many singles fear and loathe, often dividing in to two opposing camps. Those who stop dating mid-January to avoid the Valentines day awkwardness, generally brought on by a newly formed couple (or the pressure to not call it quits for fear of being ‘that person who dumped someone a week before valentines day) OR there is the camp of people (generally women, but some men as well) who flock to online dating sites or hit up friends for blind dates, simply doing everything and anything they can to find a date so that they aren’t left at home watching hopeless romantic movies on there own come D-day….errr I mean V-day. I belong to neither of these camps. I am single, and I love Valentines Day: This holiday does not serve to make me feel lonely and desperate, nor does it make me ‘awkwardly aware’ of my lowly social status. Any holiday that offers a wal-mart full of chocolate and candies that will go 50% off come the 15th is O.K. by me. This year, however, Valentines Day served to make me slightly upset, and only slightly (as in enough to be up at midnight writing this letter). This year I had three people ask me out on Valentines Day dates after my plans to drink vino and go out for dinner with my friends fell through due to weather conditions. Each time, I declined. Each time I got a similar response: “But no girl should have to be alone on valentines day,” a sentiment often whined to me by single friends of the past who are now in dauntingly boring relationships that I would rather stab my eye out than be forced to endure for one evening let alone the rest of my godforsaken life.I have said it before, and I’ll say it again: I like being single. In case you feel that this may be a case of “Me thinks she doth protest too much…” Let me provide you with some reasons:1. I’m independent: You can’t just come and go when you’re tied to someone. I, as a general rule, spend one weekend a month, if not more in another city. I move on a whim and I apply to random internships (for instance in Africa) for no apparent reason, with every intention of going. I like this. You can’t just come home to your hunny and drop, non chalantly, into a conversation that you applied to go to Kenya for the summer. People expect an explanation. They want to be included. I want to not have to explain myself to anyone. I want adventure.2. I really enjoy my friends: It took me alotta years to get to the point where I could say that the people I surround myself with are the people who I admire most and make me the happiest to be me. I don’t need some guy to walk in with a complex about how much time I spend with the girls, what boys I choose to drink beer with and how he should be my best friend because that’s how “real relationships work.” News Flash: you are not my best friend. It took me years and years to forge the friendships that I have and only a handful equate to being “the best,” and baby… they were there long before you, they’ll probably be there long after you. Deal with it.3. I’m comfortable hanging by myself: I actually enjoy living alone, and I enjoy doing things on my own…even in public. I’ll go to a movie on my own, if it’s one I really want to see… I’ll even do that in the afternoon so that I can see another movie I really want to see with my date that evening. Don’t laugh. I’ve done it.4. I have goals and plans… These are mine. I don’t expect someone to take them on; in fact I don’t want someone to take them on. It took me years to create these, and they are still malleable enough that they may change. They are important to me, and they are my focus. If someone comes along that I am madly in love with who happens to fit nicely into these, then rock on! Bringing me to my next point…5. I believe in love and commitment: In case you feel like these are the ranting of a cynical single girl who has been hurt and is thus against men in general…. Think again. I believe in love. I believe in true love and I believe in commitment. I don’t believe in being in a relationship for the sake of being in one, and I don’t believe in being in a relationship until someone better comes along. Love and Commitment are very really and very hard…. That’s why I’m not in either of them.Now that you see why I enjoy being single, understand this: I am not alone. I have many-a-friend who feel the same way. The next time you hear that your friend is single or doing the solo thing for a while, don’t pout at them and say “awww don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy soon.” Look, it’s not like I lost my keys or my wallet… I’m not on some profound journey to find my soul mate… I’m not looking in every nook-and-cranney, falling into bed exhausted from my day of searching for the relic of a man like the single, female version of Indiana Jones. Instead, try this: “Alright…. Get your best dress and dancing shoes out, because we are tearing up the town…” and then… and only then, my poor, unfortunate, coupled friends, will you understand that our lives are not hollow and sour without someone to tell what we ate that day: instead, we’re having a friggin blast.