Sittin' in Italia

What I forgot to mention in the last post is that all greek cab drivers are trying to kill H. and I.

They seriously want us to die via a high speend game of chicken with the Greek Equivalent of a MAC truck... Mu Alpha Chi???


Miraculously we made it to our ferry, on time and without spilling any blood. I am still a bit foggy as to how this was achieved, but it was, and therefore I am satisfied.

The ferry was a frickin cruise ship with a disco and food and a movie theater and a casino. We ordered a bottle of wine and got cozy with our books after watching BAYWATCH and 90210 reruns...

Things you didn't think that you'd be doing in the Adriatic sea...

So there we were, totally emmersed in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants when some Australian guys came up and started chit chatting. They all work in the UK and bought a crap ass van to drive around Europe. The next morning, they offered us a ride into town in said crap ass van.

They weren't lying.... it smelled of crap ass... or frat boys... or boys in general.

Ew.

Infact, I think the Van was instrumental in the OBVIOUS profiling that accompanies 5 20 somethings in a crap ass hippy van as we were pulled over by Italian authorities and instructed that the drug dogs were going to sniff through our stuff.

I wasn't worried because I know that H. and I don't have any... but then it hit me. What if these guys that we JUST met....do?

Afterall, they ARE driving a crap ass hippey van.

SHIT.

We never got a chance to find out... H. and I got out of the van as instructed and smiled and chatted about being Canadian and they let us go immediately, after we assured them that we were not on our way to Amsterdam.

This situation put the hamster in my head on overdrive and I came up with a top 5 list...

What NOT to say to a Customs Official after he asks if you have any drugs on you or in your vehicle.

5. I don't, but he might.

4. No, sir. I smoked it earlier... Know where I can find a Pizza hut?

3. Marijuana? No. But I have some cocaine if you'd like...

2. Is that illegal here or somethin? What if I have glaucoma... you know... hypothetically.

1. No, sir. But, do you know where I could buy some??


................ Bad hamster! Bad!


Ciao for now!

KK.

Back in the not-so-dingy Dingy Gamer Internet Cafe

OK. So by now you're all wondering what has been going on... aren't you. C'mon admit it. Alright, so you're probably just bored at work and hoping that there's something new to pass the time with....

Well... THERE IS!

We'll start from the beginning so as to not miss anything, shall we? Yes... the conclusion of the Tido saga IS included.

H. and I left le Suisse in order to begin our magnificent, wonderful, amazing adventure early on Monday morning... and by early... I mean around noonish. We made our way to Milan, Italy where we were staying for a night before catching a flight to Greece.

My Milanese friend, Davide picked us up and took us to an amazing dinner. That we slightly couldn't afford. Hot Milanese Highrollers sometimes forget about the little guy and their little purses... but my big big pride forced me to pay the whole bill anyway.... after all he did host me for an entire weekend and take amazing care of me and my stomach. "You write? No NO.... You sit... You Write... I cook, I do everything... You... You relax" O-frickin'-K.


The following morning we were conned (read: easily convinced) to take a taxi ALL THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT IN ANOTHER TOWN.... because we were late. Do you want to know why we were late? Because the cab took a HALF hour to get there. Our Asian-Italian hostel guy knew like two words in English... "one moment...." So, we thought.... hey.... one moment.

We thought wrong.

Finally, we got to the airport, boarded the plane and I immediately began to sleep. Anytime I'm on any moving apparatus or machine, I fall asleep. I call it car-calepsy. It serves a higher function than passing the time though... it keeps me from the EXTREME motion sickness that would otherwise ensue.

I was abruptly and rudely woken up to a man getting very defensive with a very passive stewardess that was doing her best to seem confident and stern. I was really rooting for her... Then I found out why they were arguing.

This guy, we shall name him 'Class-A Idiot' felt that two hours was too much to go without a smoke, and lit up in the bathroom. The bathroom right behind me. Now, forget about all the gaseous materials pressurized in the holding tank of a GIANT tin tube.... forget about the spark caused by a) lighting the cigarette) and then by b) extinguishing the cigarette... IN the holding tank via flushing... Did you know that if someone lights up in an airplane... BY LAW if they don't find the cigarette butt, they have to LAND the plane?

He almost ruined my Athenian adventure. Did I also mention that he had "SKINHEAD" tattooed on the side of his neck?
No?
Well I am now.
Someone should have stayed home in his trailer park and let the rest of us live our lives peacefully... he truly is an asshat of the worst kind. I hope he gets gonorrhea.


Finally, we landed and hustled to the hostel. Tido* was waiting to meet us in the center of Athens so we only had about an hour to get changed and look half decent. We get there and are greeted by huge hugs and kisses.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't feel a damn thing. No butterflies... no happy giddiness. Nothing.

We went for food and I immediately ordered a garlic ridden Gyros without a second thought. With extra onions. H. wasn't super impressed either.

That night we went to his friends place and had a great dinner party over amazing Greek dishes that I have now learned to make. (Yippee... themed dinner parties in my future... I'm thinking toga party meets respectable 20-something attempt to be a 30-something dinner party....)

The next day we headed to the coast with Tido in tow. He is REALLY American.... and 22... and male. Once at our hotel, he immediately got into a fight with the owner of the hotel as we were attempting to sneak him into our room without paying, also known as "gate crashing."

Hotelier: " excuse me sir.. who are you going to see?"
Tido with excess baggage: "A friend"
Hotelier: "What's your friends name?"
Tido: "He's just my friend"

Oh the shame of being with a bad liar. Note to everyone: being Vague does NOT make it a good lie. If you're asked a specific question, be specific, but stay as close to the truth as not being in trouble with allow.

I intervened and this was the story that ensued: Tido met us while traveling in Athens, he meant to come to the coast but his friends bailed (all true.... left out: I knew him before we met in Athens). We had invited him for dinner and he was helping us with our bags (also all true... except that when he offered to help H. with her bag, he saw a daunting number of stairs ahead of him and proclaimed that the 23 kilo backpack would be easier for her to carry, and he'd take his own heavy 15 kilo bag on wheels.) We were unsure if he was staying the night, but would gladly let them know and pay the extra fee (we did and we did). So at the end of the whole explanation, the only out right lie that I told was that we were unsure if he was going to stay the night.... and even that is a half lie because quite frankly, it was an amazing possibility that he would find a new girl to stay with.** Afterall, as it turns out... he WAS voted "Sluttiest Guy" at his former university.... seriously.

At least that would have been a possibility if we weren't staying at the Holiday version of a Retirement community. Our last night there, after Tido had gone*** we went and had desert in the restaurant. An old Greek man came up to us and kept talking in Greek. I had a confused look on my face and kept shrugging my shoulders while smiling, the international symbol for: "I'm sorry, i don't know what you're saying" but he continued "blahpolous blahpolous blahpolous ****" From his sign language attempts, H. and I gathered that he either wanted to pay our bill or wanted my autograph. This has been known to happen when I wear grubby over sized clothes and am 15 pounds lighter with big sunglasses on... sometimes... just sometimes... I get mistaken for Lindsay Lohan by REALLY stupid people. But he was like 80 something so I doubt that was the case.

Also noteworthy, there are hardly any redheads in Greece. Occasionally I will see a chick with the "I used a sun-in bottle left over from the 90's and it made my hair this coppery color (and texture)" but not any real or real looking reds... interesting. Very interesting.

Anywhoo...we're off to take a cruise to Italy. Hope your desk job is ergonomically sound and enjoyable! Peace out.

KK.

* I had previously stated that the pseudonym, Tido was NOT indicative of the actual guy. But he DID keep telling people that he was Mexican so as it turns out... it is. (he's a rich white kid from northern California who knows enough Spanish to string together a good cheers but that's about it)

**At the end of the day, Tido was like the brother in Law of Anne in the book Persuasion by one, miss Jane Austen. He was ADD to a fault with other people. He couldn't makeup his mind about even following through on a proclamation made moments ago, and he fell in love more times than I care to count in 24 hours. I'd rather Mr. Darcy...calm and intensely focused in life (preferably focused on me...in a non stalker way)

***He's still a really nice kid, and H. and I have decided to adopt him as a little brother and teach him the ways.

**** This is my version of blabh blah blah blah in Greek

I'd Like to Thank The Academy...

A few days ago I in the "limelight" on http://www.fuelmyblog.com/...

At least this is how I understand it. I'm sitting in a dingy little* internet cafe in Greece right now, and for some reason my ability to comprehend simple sentences goes down significantly after inhaling second hand smoke while surrounded by gaming greek youth...

"You sit here. You wait.... we make computer on for you. It be good.

.. No...No... I say wait."


Just a wierd thing I have.

We leave via cruise ship tomorrow to Italy... which H. and I are full heartedly looking forward to.

I would love love LOVE to update you on the Tido saga, unfortunately I can't right now. **

* It's not dingy. In fact it might be the nicest internet cafe that I've ever been in.....

** He's playing against the gaming youth beside me.



More to follow tomorrow.

KK.

My Last Day as a Citizen of Europe

This is my last weekend/day residing in Europe. That must be the saddest sentence that I've ever written. I suspect that I will have to come back, sooner rather than later. I love the lifestyle here and the fact that driving for four hours puts me in the capital of a different country...Not the outskirts of the capital of my country.

Dear Canada: You are too big, but I love you anyway.

After signing out of the country, I'm off to Milan, Greece, back to Italy (up through the coast) and then off to Paris for a five day stay before jet setting back to my own continent. Gee, my life is tough.

This past weekend was an OK farewell, which I think that I like better than the fireworks and charades of an over the top good bye. Friday night I had a Good-bye dinner with some friends. This dinner has been the bane of my existence for the last few weeks. I invited some people over for drinks and some food (and hopefully some nice conversation.... possibly even flattery about how much I will be missed), but instead I got weeks of grief over the guest list, friends quarreling, ME quarreling and at the end of the day I was almost tempted to call the whole thing off.
Which is stupid, because I'm leaving. And I should get to see my friends and enjoy their company one last time. In the end it all worked out with an American, Four Canadians, A swiss miss and a South African in attendance. Wine and champagne was had in a big big way and it was perfect. It was the perfect way to say good-bye, with a group of friends chatting, having fun. I miss them all already.

The next day we went to a city on the other side of the country.

Back story: H met a cute boy on the train... facebook stalking ensued and we mentioned that we would be in his town on Saturday. He offered lunch and a tour (exactly what we had planned for him to ask) and we said "SURE."

So we went by train, for a few hours to meet him in the rain and cold. He was really amazingly nice. For some reason, I always expect that my friends are going to date total losers or jerks... probably because most of the time, they do. *sorry, you know it's true*

He took us around the town and to the Olympic Museum.

I could care LESS about the Olympics. I didn't even watch them this year. I'm all for the idea of building mutual respect and a peace platform through international sport and competition, but I just dont care about mens gymnastics, or womens gymnastics for that matter.

H. loved it though.

At the end of our day, he gave us the obligatory three kisses from cheek to cheek to cheek and we parted ways.

I suspect H. will definitely be keeping in touch with this one. One of the reasons that we are such friends is that we both appreciate a good dating story..... or a good date. And an international "date for three" fits both categories quite snuggly.


Today, I'm finishing packing and probably spending the better part of the day reminiscing and lamenting about my time here. I wouldn't expect anything chipper from me for a while... although a 4 start hotel in Greece with Tido is NOT something to simply deign for.


KK.

Solution!

One of my readers has a problem.... a conundrum of sorts, really.


Anonymous writes:

You and your queer pal are riotous. You, with your fleeting moments of "genius" are about as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker -with the one exception: divertissement.



Suggested Solution: Stop Reading It.


Hope that helps!

KK.

Purple Jacket Magpie

Purple Jacket Magpie

I just finished booking my trips through Greece, Italy and Paris... I've some how managed to pull a few luxury hotels in to the mix and I'm still scratching my head as to how I pulled it off but I did and I'm really excited about it.

H. and I start our 3 week adventure in about 4 days, and we're both pretty excited about the prospects. Anyway, I will be updating at least once a week, so fret not.


I'm going to use today to address a comment, since I'm not doing anything adventurous but packing up my apartment, which you completely do not want to hear about. So boring, and the little dramas that occur in packing up your life are too aggravating to recount.


A few days ago, Geek In The Pink wrote:

First of all, I am not going to respond to the anonymous coward who thinks you should stick to "what you are good at", as it would be a waste of typing.

Second, I am very interested in your political stance. When i say interested I mean that in a positive way. So you answered my question very well. You are obviously a democrat when discussing the United States, but I am having trouble figuring out which Canadian political party you support. I've always been a supporter of the PC party, however lately I have found myself leaning more as a liberal (provincially). Don't get me wrong, I will not vote for Dion because of his obvious incompetence. I think Harper has done an excellent job in some of the areas of Canada, but do you not agree that Harper has taken a larger interest in the events occurring in the middle east? Whether you call them peacekeepers or soldiers of war, they are still there fighting. By glorifying a name only masks the situation, it does not improve it.

There is not much use of discussing NDP or Green Party because NDP has never worked in Canada (at least not lately) and Green Party is just a recycled conservative party.


1. Thanks. I find that person to be utterly obnoxious as well.

2. I'm a card carrying Liberal, but I vote on issues, not people or parties. The Liberal ideology tends to coincide with my stance on the issues. I do, however, find Dion to be a whiny prat some times. It's like loving a certain restaurant but all of a sudden the waitstaff are total incompetent jerks.... I'm so torn.
I also believe in a multi party system, and if the majority don't agree with me, that means that our system is doing it's job. So long as everyone understands that I am always right and somewhat of a supreme genius (That was a joke.... for those of you who are thinking to call me arrogant again**)

3. Let me preface this answer quickly: I believe in the military, and I support them. I am so happy to have brave men and women willing to die for my freedom, because let's face it... I'm obviously not going to die for it myself. In fact, I support them so much that I think it's ludicrous to see them lose their lives while fighting a war on the ground that does not match up with the war being fought in the international political arena.
Canada has always had a vested interest in Peace and Peace processes in Afghanistan. CIDA was on the ground for years before this mess, they were only pulled out when the USA decided to go in. And, they were doing a good job.
Harper is involved because he's a typical man and he likes to fix things. I don't know that he's spent too much time and effort over there. I think his thinking is in the right place ... we're never going to be able to pull our troops out ahead of the USA (despite the fact that we're now front line on someone else's war because they chose to fight another front....in another country).
Harper reminds me of my father.... sadly. If you have to do a job that you don't really want to do.... get it done quicker, and faster and better than everyone else. Be an asshole to deal with, but be the asshole that gets it all done.
I'd love to see more diplomacy, but to be honest, I know one of the CIDA members who had been on the ground in Afghanistan and diplomacy only works if two parties are willing to be diplomatic. Harper can't reach out the olive branch himself, he'd have to do it on behalf of the United States as a neutral third party negotiator. But he's not neutral...and we can't be because we rely on the United States. We're not powerful or rich enough to be neutral on anything. I'd love to see some more CIDA involvement and education programs in the rural parts of Afghanistan... because do you know what happens when hordes of young boys are forced into idle displacement camps (by Western troops) for their own safety? They get bored. Do you know what happens when a bored teen aged boy gets a gun and someone preaching ideology to him? Ya, here we call it gang warfare.... there we call it terrorist training.
Does Harper neglect domestic affairs in favor of international? Yes. Is it impossible to balance them equally? I'd say Yes again, but some Trudeau supporters may have a different mind frame.

4. I love that the NDP is our third party. They keep our domestic and social agendas in check. I feel that their minimal status is what keeps Canada great. Would I ever want to see them rule the roost? No. But they are a good way to swing your vote if you feel like either of the other fore runners are getting too many seats and aren't focusing on domestic problems.

5. You think the Green Party is useless? Look up our Humanist party. Sorry Jayz. But isn't it nice to know that someone cares if you have enough water to drink in 30 years? I know I like water....and being hydrated. Think of how life threatening keg parties would be if you didn't have enough water to replenish your H20 the next day during a wretched Hangover....



**Did you know that 50% of things said in jest are actually true?***

*** Did you know that 50% of statistics are made up?


Thanks for the comment, I hope I hit the points you were asking... I'm kind of a tangent seeker.

KK.

I commented

OK I do have a post, a very long and thought out post that I wanted to post today in response to a comment.

However, but it's Sept 11th, and I think that the politics of war should be reserved for another day. Like tomorrow, so check back then.


A tragedy is a tragedy no matter your political affiliation.


KK.