Still the reigning monarch of passive aggressiva

Background: My best friend Danner* and I have known each other since our first day or our first year of college... many many years, 4 degrees between us, and several life events ago. I met him when I needed help carrying my computer.... and decided that he would be an advantageous friend later that hour when I needed help setting up my computer. Our entire residence thought we were sleeping together, because Danner moved his entire mattress into my room and slept on the floor for two weeks after someone tried to assault me in my room after I had left my door unlocked (stupidly). The sleepovers totally continued but in a platonic and perfect friendship way.

Ladies, you can agree with me when I say, the perfect friendship is this: You + obnoxious+ incessant teasing+ total adoration = Him + tolerance+ over protectiveness

No?

So anyways, we're in our first fight of our friendship, and it's slowly killing me inside. For the last almost decade, we have not missed more that 6 days in a row of speaking on the phone, no matter if we are in different cities, countries or continents.... and he has not answered my calls for the past 14 days.

Basically, he got a girlfriend. And I'm not saying that is the reason that he neglects my phone calls. In fact, the reason is that I called her stupid.** I haven't met her. My bad.

At day 4, I reasoned that perhaps the time difference made it difficult to make contact. By day 6 I thought that maybe he had taken an impromptu trip somewhere. By day 9, when I tagged him on a silly photo in facebook, only to have the tag mysteriously disappear several hours later... I got suspicious.

I didn't realize that he was still upset about my little verbal snafu. I mean, I immediately explained to him that in the entire time I've known him, he has never had a girlfriend and I was always number one and that this new role as number two was something that I had to adjust to. But, that's a HUGE step for me, because 3 years ago, I wouldn't have even accepted being number 2 at all. Number 1 or bust baby. But, in my senior state, I realize that sometimes, just sometimes, you have to give way to someone else.... which sucks, but I'm doing it dammit.

So, today, on day 14, I decided that his angry time was up. I've decided to instate daily calls. And not just any daily calls... but daily calls that include the mundane details of my day on his voicemail, as if we were still friends that talked nightly about the mundane details of our day.

Today's went as such:

"Well... you're getting daily phone calls now... just like you still don't hate me and we're friends. Today I watched Schindler's list for the first time, and now I want to die a little on the inside. I want to cry for humanity at every moment. What about you? It's almost time for your girlfriend to be back in the city, I'm sure you're excited for that because that's exciting***...and your mom is coming back from vacation soon. Good times. Well, talk to you tomorrow..."

What I left out was the part about how my laptop has broken almost in half, literally...and it's my life and I'm terrified that the little cord that connects the hard drive to the screen will be severed, thereby losing me everything i hold dear.

But it's OK, because I just put it in my blog, and I will be immediately sending the link to Danner, who will then read about how distraught I am about his hatred for me..... :( ****

* Danner... obviously not his real name
** OK, I didn't actually call her stupid... what I said was: "Oh you shouldn't have told me how young she was because now I'm going to have a preconceived notion of her being stupid" NOT the same thing.
*** I should get points for the sucking up I did....really
**** I put a frigging sad emoticon thingy in my blog Danner... in my blog. That's humiliating.... Seriously. But I did it like a 15 year old emo boy just for you because our silence is flooding me with emotions, and this is my last ditch effort before I go buy angsty pants and dye my hair black and cut it so that it sits in my face all day, every day.

KK

P.S. If I had a readership or audience of any kind, I would ask them to vote on if he should forgive me or if I should start being more aggressive in my passive aggressive phone calls...