Back in the not-so-dingy Dingy Gamer Internet Cafe

OK. So by now you're all wondering what has been going on... aren't you. C'mon admit it. Alright, so you're probably just bored at work and hoping that there's something new to pass the time with....

Well... THERE IS!

We'll start from the beginning so as to not miss anything, shall we? Yes... the conclusion of the Tido saga IS included.

H. and I left le Suisse in order to begin our magnificent, wonderful, amazing adventure early on Monday morning... and by early... I mean around noonish. We made our way to Milan, Italy where we were staying for a night before catching a flight to Greece.

My Milanese friend, Davide picked us up and took us to an amazing dinner. That we slightly couldn't afford. Hot Milanese Highrollers sometimes forget about the little guy and their little purses... but my big big pride forced me to pay the whole bill anyway.... after all he did host me for an entire weekend and take amazing care of me and my stomach. "You write? No NO.... You sit... You Write... I cook, I do everything... You... You relax" O-frickin'-K.


The following morning we were conned (read: easily convinced) to take a taxi ALL THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT IN ANOTHER TOWN.... because we were late. Do you want to know why we were late? Because the cab took a HALF hour to get there. Our Asian-Italian hostel guy knew like two words in English... "one moment...." So, we thought.... hey.... one moment.

We thought wrong.

Finally, we got to the airport, boarded the plane and I immediately began to sleep. Anytime I'm on any moving apparatus or machine, I fall asleep. I call it car-calepsy. It serves a higher function than passing the time though... it keeps me from the EXTREME motion sickness that would otherwise ensue.

I was abruptly and rudely woken up to a man getting very defensive with a very passive stewardess that was doing her best to seem confident and stern. I was really rooting for her... Then I found out why they were arguing.

This guy, we shall name him 'Class-A Idiot' felt that two hours was too much to go without a smoke, and lit up in the bathroom. The bathroom right behind me. Now, forget about all the gaseous materials pressurized in the holding tank of a GIANT tin tube.... forget about the spark caused by a) lighting the cigarette) and then by b) extinguishing the cigarette... IN the holding tank via flushing... Did you know that if someone lights up in an airplane... BY LAW if they don't find the cigarette butt, they have to LAND the plane?

He almost ruined my Athenian adventure. Did I also mention that he had "SKINHEAD" tattooed on the side of his neck?
No?
Well I am now.
Someone should have stayed home in his trailer park and let the rest of us live our lives peacefully... he truly is an asshat of the worst kind. I hope he gets gonorrhea.


Finally, we landed and hustled to the hostel. Tido* was waiting to meet us in the center of Athens so we only had about an hour to get changed and look half decent. We get there and are greeted by huge hugs and kisses.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't feel a damn thing. No butterflies... no happy giddiness. Nothing.

We went for food and I immediately ordered a garlic ridden Gyros without a second thought. With extra onions. H. wasn't super impressed either.

That night we went to his friends place and had a great dinner party over amazing Greek dishes that I have now learned to make. (Yippee... themed dinner parties in my future... I'm thinking toga party meets respectable 20-something attempt to be a 30-something dinner party....)

The next day we headed to the coast with Tido in tow. He is REALLY American.... and 22... and male. Once at our hotel, he immediately got into a fight with the owner of the hotel as we were attempting to sneak him into our room without paying, also known as "gate crashing."

Hotelier: " excuse me sir.. who are you going to see?"
Tido with excess baggage: "A friend"
Hotelier: "What's your friends name?"
Tido: "He's just my friend"

Oh the shame of being with a bad liar. Note to everyone: being Vague does NOT make it a good lie. If you're asked a specific question, be specific, but stay as close to the truth as not being in trouble with allow.

I intervened and this was the story that ensued: Tido met us while traveling in Athens, he meant to come to the coast but his friends bailed (all true.... left out: I knew him before we met in Athens). We had invited him for dinner and he was helping us with our bags (also all true... except that when he offered to help H. with her bag, he saw a daunting number of stairs ahead of him and proclaimed that the 23 kilo backpack would be easier for her to carry, and he'd take his own heavy 15 kilo bag on wheels.) We were unsure if he was staying the night, but would gladly let them know and pay the extra fee (we did and we did). So at the end of the whole explanation, the only out right lie that I told was that we were unsure if he was going to stay the night.... and even that is a half lie because quite frankly, it was an amazing possibility that he would find a new girl to stay with.** Afterall, as it turns out... he WAS voted "Sluttiest Guy" at his former university.... seriously.

At least that would have been a possibility if we weren't staying at the Holiday version of a Retirement community. Our last night there, after Tido had gone*** we went and had desert in the restaurant. An old Greek man came up to us and kept talking in Greek. I had a confused look on my face and kept shrugging my shoulders while smiling, the international symbol for: "I'm sorry, i don't know what you're saying" but he continued "blahpolous blahpolous blahpolous ****" From his sign language attempts, H. and I gathered that he either wanted to pay our bill or wanted my autograph. This has been known to happen when I wear grubby over sized clothes and am 15 pounds lighter with big sunglasses on... sometimes... just sometimes... I get mistaken for Lindsay Lohan by REALLY stupid people. But he was like 80 something so I doubt that was the case.

Also noteworthy, there are hardly any redheads in Greece. Occasionally I will see a chick with the "I used a sun-in bottle left over from the 90's and it made my hair this coppery color (and texture)" but not any real or real looking reds... interesting. Very interesting.

Anywhoo...we're off to take a cruise to Italy. Hope your desk job is ergonomically sound and enjoyable! Peace out.

KK.

* I had previously stated that the pseudonym, Tido was NOT indicative of the actual guy. But he DID keep telling people that he was Mexican so as it turns out... it is. (he's a rich white kid from northern California who knows enough Spanish to string together a good cheers but that's about it)

**At the end of the day, Tido was like the brother in Law of Anne in the book Persuasion by one, miss Jane Austen. He was ADD to a fault with other people. He couldn't makeup his mind about even following through on a proclamation made moments ago, and he fell in love more times than I care to count in 24 hours. I'd rather Mr. Darcy...calm and intensely focused in life (preferably focused on me...in a non stalker way)

***He's still a really nice kid, and H. and I have decided to adopt him as a little brother and teach him the ways.

**** This is my version of blabh blah blah blah in Greek